


random blurbs

by Cameroncollins



Category: Original Work
Genre: Love, Poems, Poetry, This is DUMB, and all the different kinds, and the people ive loved that have impacted my life the most, because i didnt know where else to post it, what a lame tag to use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-03 11:35:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4099519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cameroncollins/pseuds/Cameroncollins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is dumb and ill prob delete it later :^)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

**i**

~~_blake_ ~~

it started with a rush of blood to the head

and my gut telling me that there was something different about this one

and when i shut my eyes at night all i could see in the darkness was your eyes

when i finally started to dream you would take my hand 

you would always ask, “are you sure you’re ready?” and i would say

“of course” because i always felt ready for you 

and you would guide me to a cliff and tug on my wrists 

“are you sure you’re ready?” 

“of course”

and we would fall

my heart would start to race

and i could still feel your arms around me

when i woke up with a gasp in the morning.

 

i’ve learned that love happens more than once

it comes and it goes, knocking on our windows at 3am or sneaking through the back door

sometimes it hits us like a freight train 

we see it coming but we let it hit us anyway 

sometimes love is soft like the first snow of winter 

and sometimes it hurts us like the first time we touch fire.

 

the first time you touched me it wasn’t romantic 

your hands became heat waves rolling over my body 

it felt so good i forgot how to breathe 

i asked you if love always felt this good and you smiled

you had crooked teeth and hair that hung in your eyes

when i saw my friends at school they said i looked different

i told them “I feel different,” because it was the truth.

 

the next time you touched me it was dark and hot and we were hiding in your sisters room

while she visited your mom

no one but my friends new that i was alone in this room with you

and nothing else

i could feel you breathing against my skin 

everything was blurry in the darkness as you kissed my body 

as if I were a treasure to behold.

 

the first time you broke my heart all i could remember was how hot your lips were when you stole my first kiss

my first night in a dark room with someone i was supposed to love for the rest of my life

i loved you so much i begged you to stay 

even though you had burned your name on someone else heart as i slept.

 

the last time you broke my heart i took too many pills to try and make the pain go away

i didn’t want to wake up in the morning

when i did it was all i could do to hold in the tears

i didn’t want to live in a world where i wasn’t yours.

 

**ii**

~~_tristian_ ~~

 i knew i loved you after we spent the night giving each other pieces of ourselves

sent over the internet with shaking hands and tear stained cheeks

I saw you at school all the time 

but now the difference was when i looked at you 

you looked back and smiled

when you said my name it was like the shards in my chest remembered they used to be a heart

and every time you laughed 

or brushed your hand against mine

my heart came back together until it beat stronger than before

every pump of blood carried your name throughout my body like whispered promises i needed to breathe

the first time my heart broke in your name

it was my fault.

 

Your smiles got tight around the edges 

your eyes were guarded when i tried to look into them

even though i knew i loved you i kept pushing you away

i kept hurting us both because i couldn’t breathe and i couldn’t think 

and i didn’t know how to form the right words to make everything okay again.

 

it took me five years to realize that you can’t love someone else and expect that to fix everything

it took me two years to realize that loving someone is like a tattoo on your heart

their name will always be there to remind you that you were theirs

but just because you shared each other for awhile

doesn’t mean you will last forever.

 

**iv**

~~_katie_ ~~

falling for you was like the sun coming up during winter

i was cold at first

and then you bathed me in warmth.

 

i loved you with everything i could think to give at 15

we spent every weekend together laying in bed and stealing kisses

at school we sat too close and looked at each other too deeply 

but it felt good to be young and in love 

i felt invincible and safe

but the sun always sets

and the warmth of the day is replaced by the harsh cold once again.

 

Looking back i think i always knew your heart wasn’t mine

her name was carved onto your body long before i was yours

and i was in denial for a time

i needed you to love me because i thought i needed to be loved to feel alive

but we were both too young to know how to take care of ourselves 

and we both had scars

and your heart belonged to someone else.

 

**v**

~~_tori_ ~~

the first thing we did together was go to the bathroom

because i was the new kid at school

and you needed to get out of the classroom

and i couldn’t breath in front of so many strangers.

 

I was the only person in class that you didn’t look at with disdain

and i loved it so much

loved being the only one in that small, suffocating class room that you considered good

i asked if we could be better friends and you said yes and gave me your Skype

we talked constantly 

until i couldn’t help but spill my secrets in front of you.

 

love is ended in many ways

sometimes a door is slammed shut 

sometimes, without warning, the lights will go out 

and when they come back love is just gone

sometimes love leaves while you sleep without even saying goodbye 

and you feel lost and uncertain

left with a million questions swarming around your head, 

but no answers.

 

when i told you i loved you and you said you didn’t feel the same 

i asked you if things could stay the way they were

you promised they could 

and i was happy with that

because i knew that i could love you without needing more

but you never gave me the chance to prove i could.

 

when you left 

it felt like every part of my body had been beaten by anvils

and it was worse because 

i had to see you at school every day

smiling at someone else

it was infuriating because i didn’t know why you were cutting me off

but soon enough

i gave up on trying to find out why

just like you gave up on me.

 

**vi**

~~_kayla_ ~~

you were the first person i loved that made it easier and harder to breathe at the same time.

 

sometimes there are loves that are more than just loving and being in love

it’s like you open your eyes and realize that they’ve become the stars in your sky

and it wasn’t romantic, not for you

but i still love you more than i know how to put into words.

 

**vii**

~~_sam_ ~~

i met you on a screen 

as i begged for help because i felt so alone 

and i didn’t want to tear my skin up anymore but i didn’t know how to stop myself

you told me it was okay that i needed to feel the pain.

 

i don’t know when i figured out the difference between loving someone 

and being _in_ love with them.

 

you were the first love i felt that didn’t make it painful to breathe.

 


	2. ghost hands

 

sometimes it feels like a ghost is running its hands down my back

when i told you about it 

you said “what if the ghost was me?”

that’s what you asked

probably as a joke 

probably as nothing serious 

i said i’d let you touch me 

but i didn’t say

how much it would mean 

to feel your fingers drifting down my back

setting fire to all the places that you touch

i didn’t tell you

how once you started, i would never want you to stop.

 


	3. im burning alive

will i waste away to the thought of you

as the sun kisses your skin?

am i cursed to live through fever dreams

of your lips against my neck,

your breath hot in my ear?

in my mind

your finger tips trace the contours of my face

with a surgeon’s precision 

setting my body on fire 

to the beat of our hearts 

and i will lose myself in you

stand still willingly 

as you carve your name into my heart.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

im torn between hating you for making me care so much

and needing you to breathe.


	5. Chapter 5

they dress me in silver before taking me to the river's shore

to bathe in the dirt

my skin will rot as weeds weave around my bones 

my flesh is putrid 

i am nothing.

 


	6. i am not a ghost

 

shadows claw at my bones 

nightmares cloud my vision

a whisper

and I’m bathed in golden light

you are not my salvation

you are my hope that darkness will end

bruised lips and silver linings 

teeth marks fade to bruises and broken blood vessels are my trophies

proof that my flesh is not an apparition

i am not a ghost

i am not a ghost

i am not a ghost 

 


End file.
